Togetherness FX a Strategy for Wellbeing

Togetherness FX: A Strategy for Wellbeing

Episode Transcript

You’re listening to Yarra Valley FM 99.1. This is Stories of Change. My name is Kim Harris.

Last episode we started discussing the benefits of shared experiences.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. It seems like a simple thing and we can share things all the time.

Some people are more geared toward having shared experiences and seeking out company. But some of us are not.

Kim Harris

Some of us are more introverted and we need a bit more encouragement to get out there. Understanding around the benefits of getting out there and getting together, can inspire it.

If you’ve missed the first part of the show, you can catch that up on our podcast, which you can find on my website.

The podcasts of all our shows from Yarra Valley FM are found at the Yarra Valley FM website, yarravalleyfm.org.au. If you want to catch up on anything or perhaps listen to some of the other great shows that we’ve got from our wonderful presenters, all volunteers, they’re fantastic.

A great bunch of people give their time and energy and enthusiasm to sharing shows with you. Catch up there on all of what’s been on Yarra Valley FM.

Togetherness FX: Nurturing Connections in a Digital World

Yes, we’ve been discussing shared experiences. And how shared experiences are a strategy for wellbeing.

In today’s fast paced world, this digital world, it’s important to intentionally create shared experiences to foster connection.

These shared experiences can be simple as I’ve talked about, but they’re very powerful and it does help to bring individuals closer.

Let’s explore some ways that we can cultivate shared experiences in our daily lives. So, whether it’s in your family, your friendships or your community, there are lots of ways that you can foster shared experiences.

Establishing Everyday Traditions and Rituals

One idea is to establish a regular tradition or ritual that allows for that shared moment. It could be something like my family. We have a weekly meal every Wednesday night. Everyone’s welcome to come there. I’ve got eight kids and a lot of them have got partners. You can imagine on Wednesday night in my house, there’s about 20 of us there, which is a lot of fun. But it’s regular and everyone knows that they can come along. Not everyone makes it every week, but they mostly do.

Dinner Dates

Maybe you’d like a dinner like that once a week?

Or it could be, a family game night, sometimes we play games, but recently we’ve been getting the old card deck out, and playing a few card games, which has been fun. You could do this kind of thing.

I saw this, I was watching an episode of a TV show called Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, which I really like. And they had a young girl on the show, and they encouraged her to have a potluck dinner with her friends and to make that a regular thing. Because she was studying and didn’t have a high income. She was worried about the hospitality side and being able to afford to pay for all her friends to eat.

Potluck Dinners

They said, “No, don’t be silly. Have a potluck. Everyone brings something” and that can be really good fun too. We often do that at our Toastmasters Club. We’ll have a potluck night where everyone brings something to contribute. It’s always wonderful. You get to taste lots of different things as well.

Community Clubs

Some ideas there. We can do there’s lots of community things, obviously. There are community book clubs and there’s community sporting clubs and you name it.

There are probably some interesting and unique ones as well, depending on your interests. You might be surprised.

Creative Clubs and Cultural Groups

There are Dungeons and Dragons groups that meet regularly. There are also people that meet around particular languages like a Japanese cultural group, or arts group, or a photography group. Things like that.

Plenty of interest groups out there. It’s quick and easy these days to Google these things and find out.

Find out where these regular gatherings are happening and create that opportunity for yourself for a shared experience.

Because we as we’ve talked about in other shows, it’s important for you on so many levels.

Another suggestion, of course, we can embark on adventures, or explore new activities together.

Travel Adventures

You don’t have to do it on your own. Different travel agencies organize group tours. It could be something like that you might enjoy, or it could be as simple as going for a hike, taking a new recipe out of a book.

Something I’ve been having fun with is attending cultural events to learn about our Aboriginal heritage. You can make the most of these experiences and create lasting memories by doing this, with other people.

Bushwalking Clubs

I’m going to talk a little bit about the fact being alone doesn’t always make you lonely later.

There are nuances to this idea.

But in the digital age where virtual interactions have become prevalent, it’s important to recognize the benefits of shared experiences in this type of context.

Having the potluck dinners, having the dinners, going for the hikes, they are important, even though we also have virtual platforms where we can connect and create shared experiences, great for when people are physically distant.

Virtual and In-person Game Nights

Now, I particularly like this because it’s expanded my friendship group to people from all over the world, which I really like. And there’s some fun platforms, where they have game nights, and they have prizes and things like that, and you can participate in as well.

So even if you’re physically unable to get out, or it’s winter, so we’re winding down and hibernating here, there are groups overseas, doing things on the other side of the hemisphere. Because it’s warming up for them. So, they’re getting out and about. And you can still connect, even though you’re physically distant.

Online gaming communities are a big thing and they do bring individuals together.

My children have a lot of friends that they’ve met via online gameplay, virtual adventures. There are games where people come together online, and they try, and problem solve things.

That creates a sense of togetherness and they’ve gone on to meet each other in real life and go bowling and all sorts of things outside in the world as well.

It can differ from person to person what your preference is. But the idea behind it is look for these ways that you can share your experiences and have these types of interactions.

Give yourself a good chance of having that sense of belonging.

Kim Harris

It’s essential to strike the balance for you between the digital and the in-person shared experiences, but actively seeking those opportunities to engage in face-to-face interactions and create real life shared experiences can enhance your overall wellbeing and strengthen your relationship. And it’s also very good for your brain, as I talked about in the episode where I talked about the neuroscience behind togetherness.

Intentionally incorporating shared experiences into your lives, you can break free from the isolation of the digital age, depending on your line of work. I do a lot of online work, so I need to intentionally seek out offline kind of engagement, but perhaps you’re the opposite.

Perhaps you do a lot of outside engagement and maybe you’d like to cultivate a bit of online belonging and shared experience.

Whichever way you go, in the next segment, I’m going to explore the long-lasting impact of the shared experience and how it does contribute to your overall happiness and sense of fulfillment.

Stay tuned as we keep uncovering the wonderful effects of shared moments and their role in shaping our lives.

I’ve got a great song here, a nice boppy one by Owl City called “Good Time”. Enjoy this one.

Togetherness FX: The Link Between Shared Experiences and Happiness

This is Stories of Change.

We’ve been discussing shared experiences this morning and I’m going to talk a little bit about how shared experiences influence our wellbeing and mental health, how they do it.

I thought some of these ideas were interesting. I was talking to a friend of mine who is a psychologist and a Doctor of Psychology and she shed some light on the psychological mechanisms that make these shared experiences so wonderful in building connections and fostering this sense of personal wellbeing and belonging.

Psychological Mechanisms Behind Shared Experiences

One of the first things she explained was that shared experiences activates several psychological mechanisms that contribute to their power.

Shared Reality

First they promote this sense of what she called “shared reality” and that’s where individuals perceive a common understanding of an event or a situation and that shared reality strengthens the social bond, because it enhances the communication, the empathy, and the trust.

Everyone is involved in what happened and they’re like, “Yeah I remember that! That was great.”

This idea of shared reality helps to contribute to our psychological wellbeing.

Collective Identity

Secondly she also was talking to me about that shared experiences provide a platform for what she called “collective identity”. That’s where individuals go through a shared experience and then they develop a sense of we-ness or us-ness.

Shared identity strengthens group cohesion, and creates a sense of belonging, or family, or community. This collective identity happens as a psychological function.

Emotional Contagion

And the last one she called the “emotional contagion”. It sounds like a zombie virus doesn’t it? The zombie virus is always contagious in all those films, but it is a phenomenon that is talked about within psychological circles.

This is when people share an emotional experience such as laughter, excitement, or even sorrow. It’s where emotions spread and synchronise within the group.

This emotional connection enhances those bonds that we’ve talked about and facilitates this deeper understanding and connection between the people present.

Laughter is Contagious

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it, but there are such things out there as laughter clubs, and I did go along to some. They used to have them in the Botanical Gardens in Melbourne, and you literally stand in a circle and force yourself to laugh.

At first you are forcing it. And then it was hilarious because very quickly your body takes over and you start to have a real deep belly laugh. An experience I would recommend. If you’ve never done it, you should give it a go.

I asked her then about how these shared experiences and these ideas of shared reality and collective identity and emotional contagion, like how do they influence your personal wellbeing and mental health?

Because I want you to understand how this impacts you as an individual.

The Impact of Shared Experiences on Mental Health

She explained that shared experiences have this profound impact because they provide opportunities for support, and that is what is crucial for individuals.

Both during joyful times, and challenging times, the shared experiences provide validation of the experience.

It provides understanding of the experience and a sense of being heard when you’re especially when you’ve got that kind of shared reality and you’re both seeing it the same way.

Metaphysical Impact

This does positively affect your mental health and there’s a fantastic book that I read that was written about 100 years ago, it was a book on metaphysics, and it explains how this occurs, how we can get a sense of ourselves by the connection we have with others and the way that they reflect to us what we are experiencing.

When two people are experiencing something the same way, it’s very affirming and makes people feel good so that those metaphysical aspects are a part of our life as humans.

Shared experiences offer this sense of purpose and meaning as well.

Something Larger than Self

When individuals get engaged in activities or events together, they can feel part of something larger than themselves and they can contribute to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, not only for themselves, but for others.

I have experienced this in my Toastmasters Club because we are there to all learn the art of communication and leadership. And we help each other, so there’s this sense of we’re in it together and we’re part of something that’s not just about ourselves.

It can promote positive emotions and great relationships.

And of course, they can be a source of joy, laughter, bonding, which we all know feels good.

When we feel good, we do good.

Kim Harris

It’s important to have those positive shared experiences that are creating those types of memories and creating lots of positive emotions.

It’s helpful and sustaining if we go through a difficult time, we’ve got someone that we can share the load with, so to speak. A problem shared is a problem halved, so they say.

Shared experiences contribute to a sense of connectedness, belonging and social support, which are all vital in maintaining your mental health and your overall wellbeing.

We’ve been exploring lots of things today, but I’m going to play another song so we can, break up some of my talking voice with some good music. This one’s Michael Jackson with “Human Nature”. Enjoy.

Togetherness FX: Finding Happiness Through Shared Moments

We’ve been talking about and exploring the incredible power of shared experiences, a simple thing to do that has wonderful effects for you.

From your ability to strengthen bonds with people, but also to shape your sense of cultural identity or to impact your personal wellbeing and mental health.

We’ve been talking about how this all fits together.

I want to bridge the connection between shared experiences and happiness, because I’d like you to see how simple this idea is, and how it links to you feeling good.

Visualization Exercise

I want you to imagine for a moment, a time when you were surrounded by loved ones and you were sharing laughter or joy or an unforgettable memory.

I want you to think about the warm connection that you felt during that experience.

It’s in that type of shared moment, we often find true happiness as human beings.

We are wired for this type of connection and belonging.

Our Biological Reality

We are biologically programmed to nurture and be kind to one another.

Unfortunately, we can also have instincts which we can override with our psychology.

This is what differentiates us from our animal counterparts.

But biologically, we are programmed to nurture and be kind.

These shared experiences, serve as a catalyst for happiness because they tap into that fundamental need for social interaction and remind us of our interconnectedness. The beauty of human relationship and the simpleness of being together.

Kim Harris

In these types of shared experiences, we can find a powerful sense of purpose and fulfillment as I touched on.

If it’s a biological need to nurture, then we want to have this kind of connection because it gives us a sense of purpose and fulfillment when we’re showing up for others, responding to our biological drivers, in that kind of way as well.

It could be through a shared adventure, or a challenge, that we’re overcoming together, or a celebration, as we’ve talked about. Festivals and traditions, and things that we do together, like weddings and christenings, and all sorts of things like that.

These celebrations create this tapestry of stories that define who we are and how we relate to others.

Togetherness FX: Our Stories Define Who We Are

Those stories become a powerful part of our identity because our stories are our beliefs, or are beliefs we form about what happened, and what that meant.

Who we became in story, is like this figure in the story.

There’s a narrative of the story, but there’s also the main characters of the story, and that is you.

So yes, these stories can fill us with a sense of joy when we talk about them and offer ongoing fulfillment throughout our lives because happiness goes beyond the immediate joy of sharing experiences.

The lasting impact of these moments resides in the memories that we carry with us.

Kim Harris

They become this wellspring of positive emotions that we can tap into during difficult times, or revisit and remind us of the love, support, and connections that we have cultivated along the way.

All there for us just if we choose to seek them out.

As we navigate our lives, it’s something not to underestimate the power of our shared experience and how important it is in cultivating a sense of happiness for yourself.

Share your story on Stories of Change.

We must actively seek out opportunities to create and cherish these moments, whether it’s by embracing some kind of tradition that your family has started, or forging new connections out in the community, or simply savouring the small and meaningful experiences that you might be having on a day-to-day basis.

Togetherness FX: Learn to Savour Life’s Experiences

Savouring is an important part of positive psychology. Happiness is not found solely in personal achievement or material positions. It’s found in the laughter that we share with our friends; the tears we shared in the moments of vulnerability, and the collective experiences that we weave into the fabric of our memory.

It’s found in the bonds we form through these shared experiences, and they bring us closer to the essence of what it truly means to be human.

If I haven’t inspired you yet, continue to listen, because I’m going to ask you some questions to get you to start to think about the impact that not having enough of these shared experiences, might be having in your life. Let’s go to another song now. This is a great song. I love this song. This is Rod Stewart with “Rhythm of My Heart”.

Togetherness FX: Time for You To Reflect

How have you been feeling lately?

What an interesting question and hopefully you’ve got someone in your life that asks you this question from time to time. Hopefully they wait to hear the answer, and listen to you attentively, and has an active type of listening that really makes you feel supported and validated.

How have you been feeling lately? It’s a great question.

As a coach, the work that I do, questions form a strong basis of what we do, and pure coaching is nothing but questions.

If you ever work with a coach, if they’re purely coaching you, they’ll never say anything, except ask you questions.

It starts to probe into things that you are thinking about and starts to touch on the feelings that you are having.

As a coach, I’m always interested in hearing the answers, and I’ve got some questions for you.

Togetherness FX: Questions Help You to Contemplate Where to From Here

The reason I’m going to ask you them, is because I want you to start to understand the impact of not having enough shared experiences in your life, what it’s costing you.

Now, things can cost us in all different ways.

It can cost us, obviously, literally money, resources, things like that.

But it can also have energetic costs.

We can have an impact on our well-being, or an impact on our emotions, or an impact on our physical well-being.

Think about some of these questions and just let them turn over in your mind and perhaps mull on them a little bit.

If you are so inclined, you can also journal these types of answers out in your journal, which can be helpful to get your thoughts on paper.

It is the process of getting it out of our head.

Togetherness FX: Introducing the Concept of Your Own Board of Directors

It can be helpful and good to have some support. I have what I call my “personal board of directors”.

I’ve got several different people that play different types of roles in my life.

You can have a friend who can be very encouraging, but sometimes it’s good to have a coach that you can ask you these probing questions. You can have a mentor as well.

If there’s something you want to do, you’re not quite sure how to do, a mentor can be a great ally, in your own personal board of directors.

I think it’s good to have a role model, too. Someone to look up to and think, I really like the way they do that, or I really value the way they do that.

Forming your own little personal board can be helpful when you’re thinking about questions like this and wanting to talk them through with somebody.

Kim Harris

Different board members will have different strengths and they have different purposes.

Then you can start to look at this from a lot of different angles and get a lot of insight there for yourself.

How have you been feeling lately, is a good question to ask yourself.

How have you been feeling, really?

Have you noticed any changes in your emotions or your mood?

Sometimes people experience a type of depression around the winter months and we’re going into that.

These are good questions to ask yourself, to keep yourself on the alert to how you’re tracking along each day.

If you’re noticing some changes, it’s a good thing to notice them quickly and get on top of them early.

Kim Harris

It’s kind of the idea of the philosophy around exercise. You know, it’s OK if you miss one workout, but it’s not a good idea if you miss working out for 10 years.

We want to get on it early.

We want to notice what’s going on and jump on that as soon as we can.

Another question, do you find it challenging to form or maintain your social connections?

Sometimes things are hard to maintain.

I’ve got a client who lives in New Zealand, and he’s moved from one island to the other island and now he’s quite separated from his friendship group. And they are finding it difficult to maintain that connection as an adult. They find it a bit harder. With work, family commitments, his partner and now the physical distance. So perhaps you’re going through something like that.

Maybe your normal social connections are a little bit harder or more challenging in some way.

Another question is to ask yourself then, what do you think is contributing to that difficulty?

Kim Harris

My friend in New Zealand, it’s literally the geographic distance between them that has contributed to them finding it hard to get together in the way they used to.

Perhaps you’ve got other things contributing to the difficulty. You might be not feeling 100% well, or your friend might not be feeling well, or it could be anything really that’s stopping you.

Do you find it hard to see your own value and worth because you’re experiencing that low self-esteem so that can sometimes contribute to the difficulty?

If you’re feeling a sense of not having a full perspective of your worth and your value, you might be experiencing a little bit of low self-esteem or self-sabotage or something like that. And that might be contributing to the difficulty. So, think about it from that perspective.

Togetherness FX: An Inquiry into Self-Care and What Motivates You

How is your motivation?

How motivated are you towards shared experiences and getting together with other people?

Are you more introverted, more extroverted?

Are you totally cool with getting out and about and socializing?

Or is it a bit of a struggle for you to get out and to feel that sense of motivation toward that?

Practical Questions

And what about the practical things?

The practical things, are you sleeping well?

Are you eating well?

Are you exercising?

Are you going to work each day?

I know it can all seem like a lot, but all of these contribute to a sense of wellness.

If any of those things are causing problems, is it difficult for you to ask for help?

Is it difficult for you to seek support from others?

Is it time to get another opinion?

Because that can be a thing too. Some of us just need help getting over that hurdle of saying, “Hey, I might need a little bit of help here.”

What are those barriers inside of you or outside of you in practical ways that are preventing you from reaching out?

And if you are not reaching out and you think you’ve got it all under control, just check in.

Are your coping strategies effective?

Are they working?

Are you feeling good?

Change is an Active Process

My show is about trying to help you feel good and thinking about tips and tricks to help you feel good.

And change is a significant part of that, as is togetherness.

The solution to loneliness lies in intentionally creating shared experiences and fostering meaningful connections.

We do need to actively seek them out.

Kim Harris

We need to engage with others, whether it’s through some of the things that I’ve talked about, some of those traditions that we can establish, or some sort of community event, or even digital platforms. They can help us to forge bonds with other people.

If we do it often enough, we can strengthen those relationships and cultivate a true sense of belonging, which is really good for us.

By embracing the power of these shared experiences and nurturing these connections, we can combat loneliness.

The solution to loneliness, as I said, lies in intentionally creating shared experiences. And we can find happiness in those moments when we’ve got that supportive network that is enriching our lives.

Something to think about.

After this next song, I’m going to go into loneliness a bit deeper because it’s not always loneliness.

I want to give you a little bit of perspective and perhaps reassure those of you who are totally happy to do things on your own as well and give you some insight as to what that’s all about. But I’m going to play this song by Janet Jackson “Together Again”. Enjoy.

Togetherness FX: Continuing the Journey of the Togetherness FX Movement

We’ve been exploring how shared experiences can strengthen bonds and create a sense of belonging this morning.

Coming up next, I’m going to continue talking about this idea of loneliness, because it’s not always loneliness. And I think you might appreciate hearing from a bit of a different perspective of what I’ve been talking about so far.

In Conclusion

As we conclude today’s episode of “Stories of Change,” we’ve delved into the transformative power of shared experiences. From strengthening bonds to shaping our sense of identity and contributing to our mental wellbeing, shared moments have a profound impact on our lives.

It’s essential to recognize the value of intentionally creating these moments, whether through traditions, community events, or digital platforms. By doing so, we not only combat loneliness but also cultivate happiness and a sense of belonging.

So, I encourage you to reflect on your own experiences and connections, and consider how you can actively seek out opportunities to share moments with others. Remember, the solution to loneliness lies in the intentional creation of shared experiences.

Thank you for tuning in, and I invite you to continue exploring the beauty and significance of togetherness in your own life. Until next time, take care of yourselves and of each other.