Together Through Change

Together Through Change: An Introduction to Shared Experiences

Episode Transcript

Welcome to Stories of Change. This is your go-to source for insightful discussions about change.

I’m your host Kim Harris and I’m absolutely thrilled to have you join me today for another episode.

Today we’re going to delve into a very cool topic that resonates with each and every one of us.

That’s the power of a shared experience.

Our lives are shaped by the moments we share with others, the connections we forge and the memories we create together.

And that’s a big part of the Togetherness FX project that I’ve been running on with my partners the Community Enterprise Foundation^TM and Yarra Ranges Council. And you can check out all the details of the Togetherness FX project on my website kimmharris.com.

Lots of resources are available for a change project perhaps of your own.

As I’ve talked about in previous shows, a really big factor of a successful change is including other people.

That’s why togetherness is so important.

Kim Harris

We often think that a change is only dependent on ourselves.

And whilst it can be true, we are the ones that ultimately must change our mind. Like if I was a smoker, and I wanted to become a non-smoker, it’s only me that can change my mind.

We’re doing that inside our mind.

When it comes to doing it and making that change a success in the world, we need other people.

That’s why I’m focusing this season on togetherness and all the kind of the topics that are related to togetherness.

As I said, we’re going to be talking about shared experiences today. And I’m going to talk about a few stories.

I’ve got lots of friends and lots of clients and lots of experts that are good friends of mine like psychologists and things like that.

So, I’m going to share some of the experiences and some of the ideas and things that they’ve told me, and that we’ve discussed to add a little bit of interest and help you to relate to some of these concepts.

Hopefully you’ll enjoy that. But before we go too far into that, I’m going to play you some music.

We’ve got Paul McCartney here, “No More Lonely Nights”. It says here that it’s a special dance mix. So let’s put that one to the test. Enjoy.

Whether it’s a captivating adventure, a heartfelt conversation, or even a challenging ordeal, shared experiences hold immense significance in our lives.

Shared experiences serve as a foundation for building lasting bonds, be it within families, friendships, or communities.

They have incredible power to bridge gaps, deepen connections, and create a sense of belonging.

These shared moments have the potential to transcend cultural, social and generational boundaries uniting us in our shared humanity.

Together Through Change: Exploring How Togetherness Has It’s Affects

Today, we’re exploring how.

How do shared experiences strengthen relationships specifically?

How do they shape our cultural identity?

And how do they provide solace and support during challenging times?

We’ll hear lots of stories today of individuals and communities that have come together.

And I’m also going to discuss some practical ways to intentionally cultivate shared experiences in our modern life.

I’m going to refer to some conversations that I’ve had with one of my good friends, who happens to be a psychologist. Hopefully this provides some insight into why I’m talking about what seems so simple, doesn’t it, the power of shared experiences?

I mean, so what? Why is this idea so important?

Why are sometimes the simple things so important and yet so easily dismissed?

We’re really getting into that today. So, whether you’ve experienced the joy of a shared adventure or the comfort of a shared meal, or the camaraderie of a shared challenge that you’ve got, and we’ve had those throughout the Valley with sudden, unexpected, storms and the like.

Get ready to delve into the magic of shared experiences with me today.

And let’s discover the profound impact that it can have on your life.

Stay tuned. I’m going to play another song “Good Vibrations”. Enjoy.

Together Through Change: Defining Shared Experiences

In order to understand the power of shared experiences, let’s start by defining what it actually means.

You know how I love the definitions of words, but a shared experience is a slightly bit of a different, type of definition.

It’s not so much about the individual words, but about the idea behind the words of a shared experience.

Basically, it refers to a collective event or a moment that is shared by a group of individuals.

A shared experience refers to a collective event of moment shared by a group of individuals.

Kim Harris

It can be an activity, an event, or even an emotional journey that people go through together.

Shared experiences can hold a tremendous significance as they have the potential to strengthen bonds, foster empathy, and create a sense of belonging among people, which is great.

Shared experiences come in all kinds of forms, and they can be found in lots of different aspects of your life.

For instance, attending a concert where you and thousands of others are captivated by the music, where you’re cheering and singing along. It’s a shared experience that creates a unique bond.

Some of my most memorable moments are alongside friends at different concerts, and especially we’re fortunate here in the Valley to get lots of concerts at Rochford’s and the Healesville Music Festival is fantastic as well.

So, we do get to have those kinds of unique bonding experiences at events like that.

Similarly, participating in team sports can be wonderful too as a shared experience.

That’s where teammates are working together towards a common goal, winning, or losing the game forms a powerful shared experience as well.

Together Through Change: From Joyful Moments to Challenging Situations

Of course, there’s lots of examples. We can include traveling with friends, celebrating holidays, going along to festivals, or even sometimes it’s on the opposite side of the wheel, which is where we have challenging situations like natural disasters, which we’ve also unfortunately experienced by living in the Valley.

Through the course of just being human, this happens.

It happened to me. I lived in North Queensland for a number of years, about seven years, and did go through a number of cyclones while I was living there.

What I found interesting is, there was one particular lady who I think did set such a good example of what to do in a sort of a situation of a natural disaster and how to come together and bring everybody together and share through the experience.

Together Through Change: A Community in Crisis

I remember she called, we’d had a cyclone and had some serious flooding, and we had no power and were cut off. We were in a unit that was on the first floor, and we had garages underneath the unit. So, we were kind of up high and all the people that were in the apartment complex, we were all trapped in there for quite a while without power, some people, without enough food. So, we were passing food up and sharing it amongst all our neighbours over the balcony.

But Emily got us all together. She had, she’s just one of those people that had a big heart for the community, and she’d lived there her whole life. So, whereas I was quite new, I’d grown up in Melbourne, I married a man who lived in Townsville. So, I ended up, that’s how I ended up there. But it didn’t matter to someone like Emily, she just loved everybody and welcomed everybody.

And she called a gathering in the local community, what’s the word, community centre, after the floods had receded and sort of just started to mobilize everyone, gave everybody an opportunity to talk about how they were feeling and all the things that they were being challenged by.

Like flooding, because not everyone lived on the first floor. So, a lot of them had flooding in their literal lounge rooms and went up sometimes to the rafters. It was quite significant for them to clean all of that up.

So, we gathered, and we got together, and we realized what people needed and started to pitch in together and share the struggle. But also, we shared our hopes for the future.

Some people lost everything in their house and then together, they would say something funny like, “Oh well it’s a great opportunity to redo the bathroom.” And everyone would chuckle.

Kim Harris

Together, we could help each other see it as a glass half full kind of scenario.

If we had have gone through it alone and stayed in our lounge room and not connected with other people and not shared over this experience, I don’t think we would have, experienced the benefits of that sense of unity.

One of those moments when resilience was palpable.

Kim Harris

An incredible moment where you could feel the resilience in the room of the people all together in the room, we were in it together, and we had this collective effort to rebuild our little suburb and the town.

Townsville was a lot smaller back in those days too. It’s grown quite big now.

Together Through Change: The Power of Community Unity

This shared experience did demonstrate that the power of community is strong, and it does shine through, in some of the darker days.

Shared experiences can have, as I’ve illustrated, can have both positive and negative impacts on individuals and communities.

It’s not always rainbows and sunshine, that bring us together. Sometimes it’s a cyclone.

Kim Harris

Positive shared experiences, like a concert, can create those joyful moments and strengthen relationships. They can provide that sense of joy and laughter and accomplishment but as I mentioned in this story, even through these traumatic events, and this hardship of that we went through after a few of the cyclones, they did, bind us together as individuals.

We did have some shared pain.

People did lose pets and sentimental belongings, things like this, and in Townsville there’s a lot of crocodiles so it was certainly dangerous, and people did have some, you know, even pain on top of that when they were injured by some of the wildlife there.

So, you can imagine just losing your physical property as well as some of the other dangers can leave some long-lasting emotional scars.

It’s the nature of the experience and the way it’s processed and supported that determines whether it brings people closer or creates distance but it’s worth knowing that it can be positive and negative at times.

Kim Harris

In the following segments I’m going to explore the ways in which shared experiences can build bonds and shape those cultural identities and help us to navigate through challenging times because let’s face it, life is life, and sometimes fertiliser times happen.

We will discuss some of the strategies for intentionally creating positive shared experiences in your daily life so stay tuned as we delve deeper into the power of the shared experience and explore the impact that it can have on your relationships and your sense of belonging to your community.

We’ve got a song here by Ariana Grande. Hopefully this one will play right and because we’ve had a few technical difficulties this morning but this one’s “No Tears Left to Cry.”

Together Through Change: Strengthening Relationships and Unique Connections

We’ve been talking this morning about shared experiences and the vital role that they play in building strong bonds among people.

When we go through meaningful moments together, whether they are joyous or challenging, they do create a unique connection.

Let’s explore some examples of how shared experiences strengthen different types of relationships.

Bonding Through Friendship

We’ve got friendships, where the shared experience could be something like embarking on an adventure together, attending concerts, or just spending quality time together.

That helps build trust and create a sense of camaraderie and these shared moments become the foundation for lifelong friendships.

I’m very pleased that I have some lifelong friends in my life which I do enjoy, even though we don’t see each other all the time. It’s wonderful.

Bonding Through Family

In families, I have a huge family. I have eight children, so we have a family dinner every Wednesday night.

That’s an example of a shared experiences, but when the kids were younger more than half of them are adults now, but we used to love going on family camping trips.

That was so much fun and everyday activities even like cooking were really good fun. When the kids were growing up I’d be in the kitchen, and they always used to hang out with me and they’d be the DJ, of course, playing the music and we would laugh, and share normal daily sort of things.

Bonding Through Sibling Relationships

Those shared experiences really did strengthen the bonds that I have with my kids and what’s interesting also between the kids and their siblings.

The sibling relationship was formed, and they bonded quite well, that kind of love-hate relationship that you can have with your siblings.

There is a lot of love and support there and a shared sense of identity and when things, when things hit the fan, I have noticed my kids really come together.

Bonding Through Parenting

I hope that you’ve got that kind of relationship with your siblings or perhaps with your Mum and Dad as well.

Let’s talk about another type of shared experience, and that would be the community type.

Bonding Through Community

Shared experiences such as festivals, neighbourhood events, our neighbourhood learning centres, coming together during times of crisis, all those sorts of things that we’ve been talking about really have the power to bring people from diverse backgrounds closer and I’ve certainly had this experience during Covid.

One of the good things that came out of Covid, there were lots of good things that came out of it, but one of the good things, that I loved, is it expanded my client reach. Now I work with people all over the world.

Bonding Through Work

I had a fantastic conversation with a lady from New Orleans from Louisiana and she was talking about the Mardi Gras that they have over there, and it’s been going for a long time.

It’s a community festival and she remembers when she was really little her grandparents talking to her about the Mardi Gras and the history of it and the tradition of it and the stories behind different things and she remembers vividly, the moment where she was allowed to go along to the Mardi Gras for the first time, and wear/don, her first costume and she was all beaded and feathered and was standing on the side of the road with lots of people and waiting in anticipation for those floats to start coming down the road.

Bonding Through Your Neighbourhood

She remembers that vividly and then she remembers as they came, the floats came down the street, they throw things out, they shower the crowd with trinkets and streamers and all sorts of things and she just remembers seeing people of all ages, races and backgrounds coming together for this event, being united by their shared love for the cultural celebration.

This is an example of, or a reminder of the diversity that makes up our cultural identity.

Especially of a hometown.

I know we’ve got that kind of spirit here in the Valley which is wonderful.

My friend from New Orleans was talking about, as the years went by she continued to participate in the Mardi Gras, sometimes she was a spectator and sometimes she participated.

Bonding Through Traditions

Over the time she learned a lot of these traditional dances and traditional songs, and the history behind some of these floats and costumes. It became a strong part of her identity and it’s a celebration she felt has connected her to her city, and across time as well.

She could reflect on the past and the present and the future where they were going. I thought that was an interesting conversation and a great story, and I thought I’d share that with you to illustrate, some of the other profound impacts of shared experience.

Bonding Through Shared Knowledge

I’ve touched on that one, which is kind of a community shared experience but one of my lifelong friends she volunteered for a trip to a remote village in Uganda.

She lived there for about nine months and helped them. She was there as an educator, and she educated them on how to create these special stoves so that they could use less fuel to warm up their little huts and their homes and cook their meals.

She also taught them about sanitation and health care and contraception and all these sorts of things that they got a well, and a toilet and all these wonderful things.

It was transformative for her to work together with them for weeks and they did face a lot of extreme challenges as well. Like my friend personally did, because they had to walk I think it was something like 20 kilometres to get water, fresh water when she first arrived there.

Bonding Through Danger

There was also a lot of marauding and a lot of danger. At times there’d be the threat that she would have to be evacuated by the guard. They’d come in and get her out very quickly. So, it was quite scary at times for her, but she loved this idea of making a difference in the lives of these people.

Many years, decades later, the shared experiences that she had when she was there in the past created this unbreakable bond between her and the people that she was working with.

Years later my friend returned.

Bonding Through Rituals and Celebrations

She’s returned there for weddings and christenings and one of when someone graduated from university. She fondly reminisces about that time.

As difficult as it was at times.

While she was there she loved the bond that she created with people.

Back home in in Australia we raised money to send her to Uganda.

It was a very cool internationally shared experience.

Bonding Through Quality Time

As I’ve talked about, with my kids as they were growing up, we had the tradition of going on the camping trips all over Victoria.

We used to go to all the free camping spots. I always had my doggy, so we needed to go somewhere where it was dog friendly, but we loved being in nature, setting up camp together.

I remember trying to figure out how to set a tent up for the first time when I bought a new tent.

My son, he’s got that mind, he can figure it out it, I don’t know where I’d be without him – probably sleeping in the bush – but no he was excellent at helping me set up the tents.

Lighting fires, singing around the campfire. As I said I could see that experience strengthened the bond that they had between them as siblings and even now, half of them now adults, we all cherish the camping tradition we used to have and those memories that we created.

Bonding Through Everyday Life

Hopefully that’s given you some examples of and some stories to exemplify the power of the shared experience in forging meaningful connections and bonds.

It helps to have those lasting bonds; a shared experience is something deeper. It crosses time, past, present, future, and brings it all together.

Whether it’s through adventures, challenges, all moments of joy, these shared experiences have the ability to shape and deepen your relationships and provide you with a sense of belonging. They create lifelong connections.

Lots to inspire you there and I hope some of those examples you share with me.

I’m going to play another couple of songs now we’ve got Adele with “Someone Like You”.

Together Through Change: Shared Experiences and Cultural Identity

We’ve been talking this morning about shared experiences.

I want to talk a little bit about the cultural identity aspect because it sounds a bit interesting.

What am I talking about?

Let’s delve into how shared experiences shape our cultural identity.

Cultural identity refers to shared beliefs, values, traditions, and customs, that define a particular group or community.

Kim Harris

Shared experiences play a pivotal role in shaping, or in reinforcing cultural identity.

Together Through Change: Preserving History and Bridging Generations

They provide a collective sense of history or heritage and belonging and allow people to feel like they’re putting down roots somewhere.

Some wonderful ideas. They’re like shared beliefs, values, and traditions, customs, things like that.

Think about the traditions and rituals and celebrations that are an integral part of your life and your culture because they often involve a type of shared experience.

They serve as an opportunity for individuals to come together and to participate in something together and then we kind of pass down knowledge and values sometimes. Whether it’s some type of religious ceremony, like over Easter not that long ago, we can have cultural festivals as we’ve touched on, there’s traditional family gatherings, but there’s also other things like, for example, think of a wedding ceremony, it’s not only about the union between two individuals, but often it’s a shared experience that brings families and communities together.

The rituals, customs, and celebrations associated with weddings can become a powerful expression of cultural identity, as they reinforce some of those values and traditions that define a particular culture.

The sanctity of marriage can be an example of that.

Lots of things we can do when we come together.

To create this profound effect and create this belonging and sense of unity among people.

Together Through Change: An Opportunity for Inclusivity

The idea underpinning all of this, is that we’re fostering this feeling of inclusivity.

We’re allowing people to see, be seen, understood, heard, accepted within their cultural community.

We can also build bridges across generations. As older members pass down the traditions to the younger generations.

A Chance to Actively Participate in Change, Together

There’s active participation that helps to carry those younger people forward, so it’s providing this sense of continuity and providing this kind of framework for individuals to connect with their heritage even in the face of societal changes.

Sometimes things do change a lot.

Lots of things come and go, fashion, popular music, all sorts of things.

Think of all the tools that we’ve got now that we didn’t have a hundred years ago.

Think of flushing toilets, running water. My grandfather used to talk about how he remembers the milkman coming down the street, and the baker, and the butcher. My grandmother used to tell me stories about how she never had to leave the house, so she never got her driver’s license because she said even the grocer, everyone came down the street.

They didn’t have the need to go anywhere. So, times have really changed.

Society has changed.

In this way shared cultural experiences not only preserve and strengthen our identity but they create a shared sense of belonging and unity because even though my nan used to get her bread and her milk and her green groceries from people that came down the street, I still must do the same in this in this day and age.

I must get in my car and take all my kids.

We can share the differences and understand how society has changed, but the values, the ideas of looking after our family are absolutely timeless.

Kim Harris

As we move forward I’m going to explore some practical ways to embrace and participate in some shared cultural experiences.

In Conclusion

Shared experiences are the threads that weave the fabric of our lives.

They transcend boundaries, deepen connections, and shape our identities.

As we navigate the complexities of change and adversity, it’s the moments we share with others that sustain us and propel us forward.

I invite you to embrace the power of shared experiences in your own life, whether it’s through adventures, celebrations, or simple moments of connection.

Together, let’s build a world rooted in togetherness and resilience. Join me in exploring the magic of shared experiences, and together, let’s create a brighter, more connected future.

Thank you for tuning in to Stories of Change. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other.