Prioritising Connection

Prioritising Connection: Alone vs. Lonely

Episode Transcript

This is Yarra Valley FM 99.1 Stories of Change.

We’ve been talking about shared experiences the past few episodes.

I will do a bit of a summary of what we’ve been talking about, but I’m interested to know have you heard of FOMO?

The acronym for fear of missing out?

Understanding JOMO: The Joy of Missing Out

Along the same lines, we’ve also got JOMO.

And JOMO is, the joy of missing out.

As we’ve explored shared experience and how that can strengthen bonds and create a sense of belonging, it’s also important to appreciate those moments when we choose to step back and embrace the joy of missing out.

The opposite of loneliness is JOMO, the joy of missing out.

Kim Harris

That’s when people can experience the delight in not feeling obligated to participate in social events, that just don’t interest them.

They can stay at home, revel in their solitude, or pursue the social engagements that really do engage them, because alone is not always lonely.

Differentiating Between Alone Time and Loneliness

Alone is a very neutral feeling or a state that can be experienced in any number of ways.

Loneliness in contrast, can sometimes feel a little bit more painful.

Alone is not the same as loneliness.

I wanted to distinguish it can be different and sort of alleviate any concerns that you might have that I’m only pushing this idea of shared experiences.

I like staying home too, so I get it.

I really get it!

The opposite of loneliness, the pain, the more painful version of when you’re alone, is where you are content and feeling joy, regardless of whether you’re alone or whether you’re with other people.

It’s living your most meaningful life, and the life you want to live, rather than the life you think you should be living.

Embracing Solitude as a Path to Self-Discovery

As much as I’m talking about shared experiences and the opportunity and the benefits of doing that, I don’t want you to feel like you’ve always got to be out and about and connecting with others.

It’s equally important to connect with ourselves as well.

For emphasis, being alone does not necessarily equate to feeling lonely.

Being alone can be quite neutral and is experienced in different ways.

The opposite of loneliness is described as finding contentment, or joy, or living a life according to your own desires rather than a societal expectation.

It doesn’t automatically mean that you feel lonely if you are alone.

Kim Harris

It can be quite neutral, and it can allow for these other benefits.

When you’re spending time with yourself you can have that time to personally reflect perhaps on some of the questions that I mentioned last episode, around how you are feeling, and checking in with you.

Prioritizing Connection: Recognizing the Signals of Disconnection

How are you really going?

We can also check in and notice what we need and rejuvenate ourselves.

If we know we need a bit more sleep, or if we need a glass of water, or we need to get out and walk in the sunshine, whatever it is, time alone gives us that capacity.

Consciousness Raising

Then, that conscious awareness, that we might need to take some action to rejuvenate ourselves, or perhaps pursue a passion as well.

Sometimes we have passions where we happily spend hours and hours alone, that no one in our world really appreciates, for example, I really love creating a freedom business, and having a life, and I’m pursuing what I call, the eight freedoms.

Not everyone shares my passion.

They’re not into the things that I’m into.

I’m quite happy to work along on my own, on those things.

Loneliness is that signal of disconnection.

Kim Harris

If you’re feeling a painful sense of loneliness, then it’s an early warning detection system, set up in your in your psychology, to say “Hey, you need some connection!”

And that is a good thing.

The good thing about loneliness is that it tells us that we are the type of person who really likes to spend time with other people.

Which is good for them, and good for you, and good for the greater good; a class one experience.

I thought to offer a different kind of perspective on this whole idea of shared experience, it doesn’t mean that you need to be with other people all the time.

Prioritizing Connection: Balancing Social Engagement and Personal Well-Being

You can feel relaxed, and rest assured, time on your own is just as important.

There are different ways to find contentment and joy in life it doesn’t always have to be around spending time with others. The joy of missing out, on some of societal get-togethers, can be a powerful concept too for individuals to embrace their own unique preferences. To focus on those experiences that truly fulfill them.

I like this idea behind the joy the joy of missing out because I think it does encourage us to prioritize self-care and make more conscious choices about how we’re spending our time and using our energy.

Kim Harris

It’s about finding joy in the moments of solitude as well.

Pursuing activities that are really engaging to you.

That’s what helps you to create that really fulfilling life, and to make sure it is in alignment with you and your authentic self.

Even though the joy of missing out reminds us that shared experiences are meaningful it’s equally important it reminds us of the fact and honours you have needs of your own.

You can embrace the joy that comes from missing out on things that don’t really resonate with you.

Finding balance.

Finding the balance between connection and alone time.

Prioritizing Connection: Community Engagement and Shared Moments

In our community, at Yarra Valley FM, we are a community station, so we have community announcements.

There are some cool things happening in and around the valley, which I thought might give you an opportunity to check in with yourself.

If you’re in need of some shared experiences you might like a couple of these things.

Promoting Shared Activities in the Yarra Ranges

We’ve got a wonderful selection of photos being exhibited at the Warburton Arts Centre and there’s some great images there from members all around the Yarra Ranges and the Yarra Ranges Photographic Society.

Entry is free to this exhibit and many of the photographs are available for purchase. If you’d like some more information about that you can go to the culturetracks.info website or you can call 1300 368 333.

If you’re a bit of a photography buff and you would like to see some local photography, that might take your fancy and provide you with a shared experience, so a double whammy there.

What else have we got going on in the valley?

We’ve also got the Waverly Model Railway Club and they’re holding a model railway exhibition on the 10th of June to the 12th of June. That’s being held at the Brandon Park Community Centre on Ferntree Gully Road, behind the fire station there. The hours are from 10 a.m. Saturday, Sunday and Monday the earliest time it closes is at 4 o’clock, on the Monday and Sunday it will close at 5pm and on the Saturday is closing at 6 o’clock.

Admission to the Model Railway Club exhibition is $13 for adults, $6 for children and for a whole family $32.

I think I should take all my eight kids and get some bang for my buck there.

What do you think?

We’ve been promised, along with demonstrations, there’s trade stands and there’s the children’s activities, where the younger ones will be able to run their own train, which is very fun for the kiddies. A model railway layout complete with locomotives and wagons will be raffled so a chance to win some great prizes and again another a great way for you to catch up, perhaps with an interest of yours, or a passion of yours?

I know a few people that are into model railways, including my father.

There’s something else on that you might like to check out.

The final community announcement is the Prostate Cancer Support Group. A supportive group and environment for men to connect with others who are going through a similar journey and share their experiences to improve their health and well-being. This group meets monthly at Federation Square in Ringwood, it’s on the fourth Tuesday of each month. If you’d like to find out more about the prostate cancer support group you can call 1-800-22-0099 I’ll just say that number again 1-800-22-0099.

There are some wonderful things going on in our community, if you’re not aware of them, now you are!

Promote Your Business or Organisation with Yarra Valley FM

If you’re involved in a group or organisation and you would like to promote an activity or event on your calendar, you might be interested in our free media release training and events calendar. You can find out more about by connecting with me.

A wonderful way that to have some shared experiences.

Let’s play a song and given the idea that I just talked about, that it’s not always loneliness, and this idea of the joy of missing out, I think this song really encapsulates the joy of missing out. A playful song the Scissor Sisters, “I Don’t Feel Like Dancing”. Enjoy.

We have had a full unpack about shared experiences for the last couple of episodes, so I thought I’d just do a bit of a summary of all the things we’ve talked about.

If you have missed the show you can catch up on the other podcasts here.

Prioritise Connection: Taking Action to Embrace Shared Experiences

Let’s summarize.

We’ve been talking about the power of shared experiences, and how shared experiences strengthen bonds and create a sense of belonging.

In response to the last few years, where we’ve had a fair bit of isolation to contend with, and perhaps some loneliness and some mental health challenges as a result.

Encouraging Active Participation in Community Events

This is about shaking all that off, and getting back out there and starting to reconnect in the ways that we used to love, and perhaps in some new ways as well.

I mentioned I get to connect with people all over the world as a result of going into lockdown and extending my coaching services all over the world. It’s been a fun change that I’ve embarked upon.

Hopefully you’ve got some great stories from the last few years, but some of us don’t.

For some of us, it’s been a bit of a challenge.

Committing to Building Stronger Bonds and Happier Lives

This is the encouragement to get out and start to share experiences again, because you might have forgotten about how important it really is.

I gave a definition of what a shared experience is and its significance, and how shared experiences can be both positive, or negative, and it depends on what the experiences is. I used the example when I lived in Townsville, we had lots of cyclones, and there was lots of damage and it was quite catastrophic, but as a little community we really pulled together at the time under the leadership of this lady named Emily, who was just wonderful in bringing us all together.

So, these things are not necessarily positive, sometimes they can be a bit negative, and can have a bit of pain, but it is easier when we share, even if it is the pain we are sharing.

Cherishing Moments of Connection and Togetherness

Whether it’s a joyful experience, or an uncomfortable one, it’s good to have people to go through it with, together.

I defined the idea of cultural identity, and how coming together helps us to form cultural identity. I talked about one of my clients in New Orleans, and how she goes along to the Mardi Gras over there. It’s a tradition that they’ve had for many years, and how that was first shared with her, by her grandparents. She was very excited to eventually be old enough to go along. She talked about how she continued to go along from young, and it’s part of her life now. She just does it every year.

Continuing to Develop Our Cultural Identity

We have things like that, we have festivals here in the valley and surrounding areas, we have Australian cultural experiences, like going to footy, like AFL grand final day at the MCG, I mean it’s an interesting experience. Do it if you never have! I remember one of my friends went to the Olympic Games in Sydney, and they were sitting in the stadium as Kathy Freeman won her race. He said to me “It was like what world peace would feel like”. Everyone present was ecstatic in that moment, it didn’t matter who you were, everyone was hugging, everyone, everywhere.

We have these kinds of cultural things. Sport is a big feature in Australia. Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve gone out to a game?

Maybe that’s an encouragement to you? These kinds of shared experiences do give us a sense of our culture. Obviously AFL is an Australian rules football, they’re very much about being Australian, and playing football the Australian way.

What else did we talk about?

Togetherness FX and Stories of Change

I shared many personal stories, in relation to the types of shared experiences I’ve had with my friends versus my family, versus my community, because there’s different kind of concentric circles that we can operate in as well.

When it comes to shared experiences, it’s important to think outside the norm.

You can share your story through an interview on the radio by connecting with me here.

It can encompass all. Community. Family. Friends. A little bit of everything if we like.

Also, as I touched on it’s good to spend time with ourselves too and take them take some time to reflect and ponder and be a bit more retrospective and introspective.

Look for things that we might be needing, that are lacking, to rejuvenate.

Sharing an experience with ourselves.

Digital Shared Experiences

We talked about creating shared experiences in a modern society.

We don’t just meet face-to-face anymore we’ve got different technologies that have really opened the world, and we’ve got online gaming, online gaming conventions, we’ve got Dungeons and Dragons that is being played online now, which is like a fantasy role-playing game, which is fun and creative.

These features are part of our life, and if you like them, have a go, it’s a way of creating a shared experience in the digital age.

Building Psychological Resilience Through Meaningful Connections

I talked about my friend who is a psychologist and she shared some of her knowledge around how to be psychologically well, and what shared experiences do for us psychologically. This was to strengthen the case and the inspiration behind what I’m even doing talking about Togetherness FX.

The idea of having the shared reality, also having a collective identity, or having emotional contagions. It’s what we get from being around other positive people. People that laugh, and joke, and have a good time – they can be very contagious – why wouldn’t you like to catch happiness?

Perhaps you need to go around and hang out with some happy types of people?

I know if you’re ever lonely on a Monday night, you’re welcome down to our Healesville Toastmasters Club we’d love to have you there! Share a meal with us sometimes and have a good laugh and listen to some great stories from some up-and-coming speakers and learn about communication and leadership.

Excellent! We talked about the bridge between the shared experience and how that relates to happiness.

At the end of the day, you want to know what’s in it for you don’t you?

Well, that’s what’s in it for you!

Continuing the Journey Towards Lasting Joy and Fulfilment

When you have more shared experiences you will feel happier, you’ll have stronger bonds, you’ll have better memories, and these types of things can sustain us throughout our life.

Shared experiences connect deeply to happiness.

I also posed some questions to get you thinking about how a lack of shared experiences might be impacting you.

It’s important to take stock, and to think consciously, and be more consciously aware of the need for change, which I’ve talked about in previous episodes of my show.

Progress Through the Six Stages of Change

Consciousness raising is a helpful process or strategy to use before we even contemplate or commit to a change that we want to make. We want to use it to think about it properly, and we want to be aware of what is keeping it the way it currently is, what is that costing us, is it causing us some pain, and then, does that then give us some impetus to change.

Important to raise our conscious awareness about things. Which is why I posed a few interesting questions, so if you missed those you might like to listen to that podcast episode, and perhaps journal them out. Have a good think about it.

Experience the Joy of Missing Out

We also talked about JOMO, the joy of missing out.

It’s not always about being involved in a shared experience with others sometimes we want to just have a shared experience with ourselves.

It’s okay, we can step back and miss out on some social activity because it’s not always your thing. We can enjoy some solitude. We don’t have to pursue every single social engagement, we want to pursue the ones that really do engage us, so you’ve got full permission to decide which types of social get-togethers you want to have in your life.

What type of activities you do want to involve yourself in?

The joy of missing out encourages you to prioritize your own self-care and make conscious choices about how you’re spending your time and your energy.

It’s been a big season so far, I let you know about some things happening in the community. I encourage you to take part, as a call to action for you, because it’s well and good to listen to me talk about all these wonderful things, and all these benefits of shared experiences and getting together and making/creating opportunities for yourself for positive change, but unless you are putting them into action it’s all for nothing!

I want to encourage you to get out there! Especially if you know, deep inside that you haven’t prioritized it for a while.

Wow! It’s been an action-packed three episodes, and I want to round out the end of this show with some songs that really celebrate self-expression and self-empowerment. They’re about embracing your own uniqueness.

These songs remind us of how to be true to ourselves, love who we are, and to live life authentically.

Kim Harris

As I wrap up my show today, and as we have explored the power of shared experiences. How they strengthen bonds, shape our cultural identity, and promote our own personal well-being, it’s evident that these shared moments will have a profound impact on your relationships, your sense of belonging.

As I’ve said before, you can listen to the podcast of previous shows here.

You can connect with me on social media or via my website.

Thank you for joining us on this journey to explore the transformative power of shared experiences and their connection to happiness.

As you go forth, may you seek out and cherish the shared moments that enrich your life, and may the bonds forged through those experiences bring you lasting joy and fulfillment.

Until next time, keep sharing the experiences that ignite your happiness and I look forward to you joining me again next episode.