Do you consider yourself as adventurous? If yes, you’ll love the call to change!
In this episode of Stories of Change with Kim Harris which was aired live on Yarra Valley FM we discover what the four main changes are that all people face (no matter where they live) and your personal preference for change work – are you a solo flyer or a flying flocker? Listen or read the transcript below to find out.
Key Takeaways
- Change is an adventure and can induce fear, but facing fears can lead to personal growth.
- Emotional wounds can prompt the need for change, and seeking support during challenging times is crucial.
- There are different approaches to change—some people may thrive working alone, while others benefit from group experiences.
- Togetherness leads to positive outcomes, and community support can facilitate the change process.
Transcript of Episode
The Adventure of Turning Emotional Wounds into Wisdom
My name is Kim Harris, this is Yarra Valley FM and welcome to the show. I talk about stories of change. Now, I bet you’re wondering why change? Well, I wonder if you are or would you consider yourself the adventurous type? Do you rate yourself as a bit of an adventurer? Well, if you do, then you probably will love this whole concept of change because change actually is quite an adventure. And I’m going to be sharing today a little bit about my journey and why I became so passionate about the change process.
But before I do, I’m going to play a song. I’m going to play a song by Billy Field, which I really like. It’s called You Weren’t In Love With Me.
I’ve been very lonely, I did not think I could go on. I was caught in memories, and dreams I should have won.
Billy Field – You Weren’t in Love With Me
And that was Foreigner, I Want To Know What Love Is. Can’t you just hear the yearning in that song? I want to know what love is. I want you to show me, it’s such a beautiful song. And it reminds me a lot about the content that I’m going to be covering tonight. A free webinar that you’re more than welcome to come along to. I’m going to play a few love songs today because I’m in the mood for a bit of love. I don’t know about you.
But going back to what I was talking about, it is a bit of an adventure going on a new love romance. And I think that’s the point where I really started to become passionate about change because I had something significant happen to me after a marriage of 22 years. My partner and I ended up separating. The devastation of that was probably it was one of those kinds of emotional wounds. Maybe you can relate to. So as you know, we can have many different types of wounds. We can have wounds obviously to our body. We can have wounds to our heart, to our soul, all kinds of levels. And as a result of that, we will need to sometimes accept or make some changes. And when we do have something that impacts us emotionally, it’s really, useful to understand that it is a process that you will go on to actually restore some sense of equilibrium.
And perhaps get back to that stage where you open yourself up again to love because you’ve gone through that healing journey. So very, very important topic.
So that’s one of the reasons why I became so interested in the work of change because I was facing a really, really significant change going from being partnered into being a single mum of eight kids. So yeah, definitely wasn’t easy. Maybe, maybe you’re facing a change too (hopefully not like that!). But the kind of emotional one that really affects your heart. Perhaps one of the four major changes because statistics tell us that there are four predominant kinds of changes that everyone in the world goes through on a frequent basis. We’ve sort of had this new introduction of a new change recently with the results of the lockdowns and the isolation. I think lots of people are feeling it. They’re feeling that that level of disconnect and feeling disconnected from love in their life and that quality experience of love and support from those social interactions that we have sometimes just on a day-to-day basis. So, so important. It’s not just about having a significant other.
That’s not the only place where we can derive great love. We can be in love with all sorts of things. I for one am in love with my work. And that’s what I’m going to be talking about today. Why change? Why is it significant? What kinds of lessons did I have? I learnt through these change processes and how have I applied this knowledge out there in the world.
So I’m going to play some lovely music. I’ve got a couple of good bit of an oldie here. This one’s the Beatles with something. So this is kind of speaking to that concept. It’s just something about some people isn’t it? We like the way we connect with them. This is why it’s so important to get out there, meet people face to face and really experience that sense of chemistry that can occur. There’s nothing quite like it. So enjoy this one by the Beatles, “Something”.
Something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way she woos me…
The Beatles – Something
Well, I love that last song by Ed Sheeran. The shape of you, it makes me want to move my body. I love that. And if you’re feeling adventurous, perhaps you were doing a little bit of grooving there while that song was playing. I sure hope so.
I believe that lots of people are very adventurous. But sometimes we’ve had a few things that make us feel a little bit wobbly, which is why the topic of change is such a passion of mine. Because when we have the wobbly parts of life, when things are not going, perhaps the way we wanted them, we have this sometimes need for change.
Sometimes we want to change and we don’t.
Sometimes we have to change and we won’t.
Sometimes change is really easy.
And sometimes there are things about us that we should never change.
And perhaps you can relate to that.
There are things about people that you perhaps know that you just think, oh, they are so cool. Just the way they are. Wouldn’t change that about them for the world. And I sure hope you’ve got relationships like that in your life.
Talking about change, though what goes on? Why is change so hard? I think this is something once you know, the process of change and you get conscious awareness around the process, what is super cool is it actually helps you to make significant changes in your life. So if you’re facing a change, you might like to listen along to the show every week. I also podcast each episode. So if you miss one, you’ll be able to catch up really easily.
As I mentioned earlier, there are four major changes that as a society, people can relate to quite often. The first one is smoking. So cessation of smoking is a really big one. Weight loss as well. A lot of people do struggle with weight gain in different parts of their life and different transitionary stages. We’ve got alcohol. Sometimes people do have problem drinking and they realise they need to change that. It’s a pretty tricky one to change too. So if you’re embarking on that kind of change, do it with support. Much easier with support. But the real big one, I think, is the category four of the fourth one. A major change is emotional distress. So we’re all going through this. Believe it or not, they had a study that came out just yesterday around the effects of Covid and the pandemic and how that has created a very significant trauma for human beings all over the planet. We lost millions of people in that process.
So any kind of loss will often trigger a real sense of emotional distress in people. So how do we overcome and change our emotions? What happens when our emotions are wounded? What happens when we do have some post-traumatic stress from an event where there was significant loss?
This is really challenging, but it’s something that the change process can really, really help with. So if that’s you, if you are feeling any kind of level of emotional distress, I just want to give you the number for the Mental Health Victoria line. Great service. It’s a free service. You can call them anytime. It’s 1800 595 212. So if you are feeling levels of emotional distress, I really encourage you to reach out. You don’t have to go through it alone. And yeah, just really want to put that out there for everybody. It’s no use suffering in silence or in loneliness either.
Feeling emotional distress? Don’t suffer in silence or loneliness. Call for free confidential help on 1800 595 212
Mental Health Victoria – Helpline
You can probably relate to the easy changes. So these are the ones where we decide I had a similar one like this a couple of years ago. I actually chopped all my hair off and I was actually a bit distressed after I cut it. I thought, oh, I wish I hadn’t have done that. I found my hair really boring when it was short. And so I thought to myself, I need to make a change about my hair now. And cutting it wasn’t the right one for me. So I was talking to one of my daughters about it and she said, you should dye your hair. And so we went down to the shop and I bought purple hair dye. And by the end of the day, I had purple hair. So that’s an example of a change that was just super quick. Once I decided I was committed, I went and did it. And I loved it. I actually love the shade of purple that I ended up with. And yeah, a little bit of fun. And I think it speaks to the part of the change process, which is ultimately all change is self change.
The moment the change actually occurs is in your mind. So there’s this point in time where you’ll actually think, right, that’s it. I’m changing this. And that’s where we want to get to with all kinds of changes, no matter what the change is.
If you’re feeling emotional distress and you know that it’s a problem for you and you don’t want to feel that way, anymore, then we want to shift those. We want to shift those emotions. And there are ways to do it. So I’m going to be talking more about that over the weeks to come.
But listen, you know, we’ve got another song. I’ve got a Daryl Hall and John Oates with You Make My Dreams Come True. I think it’s a great song.
We’ve been talking about change. I talk about change all the time. You’re going to be sick about hearing about change, but hopefully you’ll never get sick about hearing about love because love is one of the grandest adventures we can go on. And that’s what I’ve been talking about this morning, because it was a breakdown in a love relationship that led me on this journey to really understand the change process in some different kinds of ways. Obviously, we know how to make a change to our health, for example, but what happens when we want to make a change to our emotions or our emotional experience? And that’s kind of what triggered off in me and what I needed to learn about, because it’s a really different kind of approach when you’re dealing with a wound that’s on an emotional level.
One of the things that I’ve noticed too is the importance of learning about fear, because when you have a heartbreak, it can set you up for kind of closing yourself off to those sorts of opportunities, which is very normal and very natural. And that fear response is a real it’s kind of a signal that you should really pay attention to because the cool thing about fear is it is there to help you. And the signal of fear, if you think of it like a little helping friend, is to actually tell you to prepare for something.
So fear is a very, very vital and important signal because it’s sort of it’s literally telling you, OK, prepare, prepare yourself, you know, for this next part. And when we go on adventures, all kinds of adventures, not just love adventures, but when we move to a new location, I know quite a number of people, actually, my friend Kate, who should be listening this morning, she’s on the move from her house and making a really, really significant change. She’s sold all of her belongings and emptied out her house and gotten rid of everything to be footloose and fancy free and taking off on an adventure. Hopefully to Bali, she’s going to end up. So I wish her all the best in that. But it’s an example of an adventure. Perhaps you’ve been on a similar one when you’ve relocated?
Change. It’s definitely something that induces a little bit of a fear response. And that’s the cool thing about bravery and courage. It doesn’t show up until you put yourself in that circumstance or that situation where you actually need it. So change really does promote adventure in your life. And it definitely is something that could induce a bit of fear, which, as I’ve said, is a great thing.
And that was what was so significant when I went through my awareness raising of the change process, because the lesson I learned and applied was I actually started to seek out things that I was afraid of. I did it quite intentionally with the purpose of going through the experience and enabling my courage and my confidence to rise to meet me in that moment.
So it was very, very life changing when I when I actually learned how to turn around and face all of my fears, no matter what they were. A really funny story or I thought it was pretty cool was I actually overcame my fear of spiders and I’ve had this fear for all of my life. I was painting a room in my house and I’d gone out to the shed and gotten a ladder and brought it into the house. And as I was unpacking this ladder and setting it up, a huntsman came out and without even thinking about it, I just gently picked up this huntsman and went and put it outside. And then it just kind of occurred to me, “Oh, my God, what did I just do?” Because normally I just would have been absolutely terrified.
So it just shows you what you can do with the power of the mind. And when you set these intentions and you make a decision that, right, no more, I’m not going to be afraid of spiders. No more. I’m not going to smoke anymore. I’m not going to I’m not going to cut myself out of a love experience anymore, even though I’ve been hurt. And even though that was painful, I can do this. I can do this and I can make it easier.
The more I know about how to do it and how to go about it and obviously just get some help as well. So the reason I was able to overcome my fear/ phobia was I actually did what’s called a phobia bust. It’s an NLP technique and did it with a trained NLP practitioner. And just amazing. You can overcome any fear in about 15 minutes, and you won’t believe it until you see it. It’s just an absolutely incredible thing to do. So don’t do it alone and and know that there is help out there if you’re interested in perhaps embarking on a new adventure, which might be picking up a spider or a snake or something that you’re really afraid of. Or it might be something like facing up to an emotional wound and going through that process of healing.
Very, very interesting. This whole topic of change. I think it’s one of those things that when we want to change, it’s really easy.
And sometimes we want to and we don’t. And what is that? That’s one thing that I used to get really curious about. Why do I really want this change? But I just find myself acting in every way, contrary to what I want, what is going on there? It’s just crazy.
And then there’s also those kinds of changes where you really don’t want to change it. But you know, you have to for one reason or another.
And sometimes when we don’t want to, that’s when we all start to either completely deny that we need to change. Or we might feel some anger and resentment come up as well, which is really natural. Or we might actually sabotage our own efforts. So, oh, that’s a really meaty one.
So I’m going to be unpacking this a lot more in the weeks to come. And so I hope you will join along. And in the meantime, enjoy a lot of great music as well.
So on the love theme today, I’m going to play one of my really it’s just a favorite song of mine. But a really fond memory of one of my sons, Corey, when we used to drive around in our combi van. And here is Simple Plan with Summer Paradise, which I thought perfect song for the weather today.
My soul is broken, streets are frozen, I can’t stop these feelings melting through.
Simple Plan – Summer Paradise
That last song I played is called Hey Soul Sister, and it’s by Train. And one of the reasons I played that is it was because it was a dedication. So dedication to a soul brother out there, Ross. So that one’s for you, Ross. I hope you enjoyed that.
OK, so let me summarize what we’ve been talking about and how to actually go about implementing on some of the things I’ve talked about today.
Well, first things first, when we want to change, sometimes we don’t.
Sometimes we won’t.
Sometimes we do it really easily.
But anyway, as it actually happens. There is a process that we go through. It’s a very organic process. But the more we know about it, the more we can do it intentionally. When we actually notice, hey, there is something I would really like to change. And I’d love to have the power to actually change it.
There’s a couple of things you can do. So on my website, I’ve got a lot of free resources that are going to be being put up there. So the Community Enterprise FoundationTM are partnering with me to create a whole lot of free resources for the community to promote togetherness. The effects of togetherness lead on to lots of positive outcomes for human beings, because we are meant to be together.
It’s just really hard sometimes because we’ve got some wounds in the way.
You know, we’ve all been let down by somebody. And that’s kind of what we’ve been talking about today, more of an emotional wound. But there are other types of changes we can make. And it doesn’t matter what the change is. The change process is almost like a washing machine. It can just wash anything and get it clean.
So the first thing you want to do is you want to work out if you’re better off working alone. So some people are what I call “solo flyers”.
So they’re really, really able to self change.
They’re able to read the information, integrate it into their thinking, which changes their feelings, which then helps them to make different decisions. And that leads on to different behaviours and different actions.
And that’s really what’s happening at a fundamental level when we go through a change process.
So for some people, they’re solo flyers and they’re going to do well on their own.
Then there’s another category of people and I call them the “flying flockers”. So once you get to know me, you’ll know that I’m a bit bird brained and I like my symbolism, my birds and eggs and all sorts of things that I talk about. But anyway, flying flockers are the group of people that actually do better when they’re in a group, when they have a group experience, when they share their experience with other people and where they’re going through the steps of change with people with each other.
And how do you know? How do you know if you’re a solo flyer or a flying flocker?
Well, I’ve got a free little quiz that you can take and you can figure it out. And what’s helpful in that is then you’ll know, like you’ll know, OK, well, all I need to do is, you know, put the headphones on, listen to Kim’s little podcast, learn about change, see myself where I’m at in the change process and then start to make some moves.
And for the other people, then we’re going to have some great community events that will also be free or be coming out to local community centers all around the Yarra Valley. I’d love to see you along at one of those.
If you join up to my mailing list, you can find out where I’m going to be, where we’re going to be holding those. I’d love to see you face to face for you flying flockers that love to work in a group I also hold lots of virtual events as well. So don’t let distance be the thing that keeps you away.
Yes, so enjoy that. You can find those resources. They’ll be uploaded to the Kim Harris website. So that’s kimmharris.com.
That’s Togetherness FX. The page will be there and I’ll be starting to share lots of things there that you can download and enjoy. Love to hear your feedback so send me an email anytime you can connect with me through the website. I’d love to hear from you.
In Summary
I hope you’ve gained valuable insights into the transformative power of change. Remember, change is not just an event; it’s a journey—a journey of self-discovery, growth, and resilience.
Whether you’re facing a major life transition or seeking personal improvement, know that you’re not alone. Embrace the adventure of change, and don’t let fear hold you back. Instead, let it propel you forward toward new experiences and opportunities for growth.
If you’re a solo flyer, take advantage of the resources available on my website, kimmharris.com. Dive into the podcasts, quizzes, and downloadable materials to guide you on your journey of self-change.
For those who thrive in community settings, join me at upcoming events in the Yarra Valley or participate in virtual gatherings. Together, we can support each other, share our experiences, and celebrate our successes.
Remember, change starts with a decision—a decision to embrace the unknown, to confront our fears, and to step boldly into the future. So let’s embark on this journey together, with courage, resilience, and a commitment to building healthier, more fulfilling lives.
Thank you for tuning in to Stories of Change. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Keep daring to dream, daring to change, and daring to live a life filled with love and adventure.
