Key Takeaways

• The Power of Connection: Human connection is vital for overall health and well-being, and is as essential as nutrition and exercise for the human body.
• Neuroscience of Connection: Understanding brain chemistry and the release of hormones like oxytocin because of touch, underscores the importance of human connection.
• Practical Tips: Being present, finding common ground, practicing active listening, and being vulnerable are essential for fostering meaningful connections.
• Actionable Steps: Put away distractions, offer physical touch, and actively listen to deepen connections with others.

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Togetherness and Belonging Helps Your Brain Help You

Episode Transcript

Exploring the Importance of Togetherness and Belonging

Hello and welcome. Welcome to Stories of Change. I’m your host, Kim Harris. I’m thrilled to have you tuning in here for another episode today.

In our last episode, we talked about the power of togetherness and belonging, and we started to explore the benefits of developing strong connections with others.

Today, I’m going to dive a little bit deeper into the science behind human connection, so gives weight, to the importance of building these strong types of relationships in our lives.

It’s a significant change that sometimes we need to address, I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to be a bit more introverted.

I like to spend… I’m a bit of a homebody. I like to spend lots of time at home.

I get into my books and my study and my writing, and can while away many, many hours, just sort of on my own, in my own company.

If you’ve got kind of that type of tendency, or if you’re just a little bit shy and you don’t really know how to get yourself out there into the community or starting to connect with other people, this show is all about how we can do that and why it’s so important on a neurological level.

Hopefully you’ll really enjoy this. As we continue, through discovering the power of togetherness and belonging,

I’m just going to talk about as well the physical and mental health aspects of doing this and provide some tips for developing those stronger connections with others that you can start applying what we talk about in your life, from now on, from today.

Sit back, relax, and let’s get into this fascinating world of the neuroscience of connection. But before we do that, I’m going to play a couple of songs, the first song called “Human” because we are only human after all. And I think this is a great song by Rag and Bone Man, so enjoy this one.

Togetherness and Belonging: Understanding the Science Behind Human Connection

That is “Queen” with “You’re My Best Friend”. What a great song.

Hope you’ve got a best friend that you’re doing life with and sharing this journey of life with.

It’s a song I’ve chosen because of the theme today since we’re talking all about connection.

And I’m talking specifically today about the science behind connection.

There are lots of benefits which lots of people probably already know about, but as social beings, humans have an innate need for connection with others.

Delving into the Neuroscience of Connection

Research shows that social connection is as important to our overall health as nutrition and exercise.

Connection is just as important as what you put in your mouth, and the types of movement you use your body for every day.

Kim Harris

Studies have found that social isolation and loneliness, which we’ve all been experiencing the last few years, can have a lot of negative effects on our physical and mental health.

It increases the risk of depression, and anxiety, and heart disease, and even premature death. It can’t get any more serious than that.

Why is human connection so important to our well-being?

Well, the answer lies in our brain chemistry.

The Role of Brain Chemistry in Human Connection

Our brain chemistry is the sum of all the chemical messaging that takes place in the brain, which allows us to carry out all our functions on a day-to-day basis, helps us to move, to speak, to think, regulates the systems.

You’re listening to me right now and you’re not worried about whether you’re breathing or not, or digesting food. It takes care of all of that, the brain.

And there’s countless other things that it’s taking care of for you right now.

Of course, it also triggers the release of different types of chemistry.

And our chemistry at a neurological level really does affect our mood.

And thereby, as an extension of that, it can promote happiness.

There’s a bit of a concoction, a chemical concoction that your brain will trigger the release of, under certain conditions, and those happy emotions that we really are looking for if we want to boost our mood, serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, oxytocins, and norepinephrine. I always say it wrong. It’s a bit of a mouthful, that one.

The Impact of Oxytocin on Social Bonding

When we connect with others, our brains release these types of hormones. And the one that’s especially released and the one I’m going to focus in on today is the oxytocin neurochemistry because it’s sometimes referred to as the love hormone.

It is the thing that plays a key role in social bonding, trust, and empathy between others.

When, for example, when a baby is born and a mother looks on that baby for the first time, a woman will experience a rush, a complete rush of oxytocin in those first few crucial minutes of her eyes locking onto that baby. And in that moment, there’s a really, strong lifetime bond created.

Just a reminder on that note, Mother’s Day is coming up on Sunday. If you’ve forgotten that that’s coming up, there’s a little quick reminder so you can maybe run out and buy your mama a card or make her one homemade. That’s what my kids do, which I really, really love.

Triggering Oxytocin Release through Physical Touch and Other Easy Activities

Okay, so we’re talking about oxytocin specifically.

How do you get your brain on your side and releasing this oxytocin?

The good thing is, it’s very, very, very easy.

Touch

Hugging, all types of touch. Hugging, kissing, cuddling and even sexual intimacy can all trigger the production of oxytocin.

There’s such a benefit for us getting that hit of oxytocin.

Something simple you can trigger.

Yoga & Meditation

We can also do, there’s been a lot of different studies around yoga and meditation that is also being demonstrated to increase oxytocin levels.

Listening to Music and Singing

And of course, being a radio show, listening to music.

Listening to music or making your own music also increases your levels of oxytocin. This also includes singing, by the way. I’m not sure if you’ve got a Spotify account, but all my playlists are available there freely for the public. If you check me out on Spotify, look for Kim Harris. I’ve got some great lists in there of music, like a feel-good list, for example. And it’s all upbeat, feel-good music. You want that boost of oxytocin. Feel free to have at it. There are some great songs there.

One of the features that I love about Spotify, if you’re not familiar with it as a platform, is it’s also got a karaoke mode that you can click on down the bottom of the page. And it brings up all the lyrics of the songs.

Singing, singing out your favourite songs and learning those lyrics.

I remember back in the day when I was a young girl and when I used to, I used to save up all my dollars to get vinyl records.

I remember sitting on the lounge room floor and putting a record on and listening to the whole thing. Back in the day, some of the albums had the lyrics printed inside of them. You would often find me sitting there with the album open listening to the music and singing along to all my favourite songs.

The modern-day equivalent of that is our Spotify Karaoke edition for the lyrics. And of course, because of the Internet, lyrics are never far away. So perhaps you might want to get some lyrics out and have a sing along and increase your oxytocin at the same time!

There are other ways that we can include touch as well that increases oxytocin.

Giving or Receiving a Massage

We can get or give a massage depending on which way you like it.

Some people really like to give massages and some people really like to receive them.

And so that’s a really good way.

Eye Gazing & Words of Appreciation

There’s another one that I really love. It’s to look someone in the eyes and tell them how much you care about them and appreciate them.

This is a way of making your moments with other people really count.

And it’s amazing.

I found an interesting recent study where they compared the effects of eye contact.

In my line of work, I do a lot of virtual work in a Zoom room or Microsoft Teams or whatever the platform is – it doesn’t really matter.

Even though I’m eyeballing somebody else through a computer screen, it doesn’t do that much for my brain.

Spending Time in the Flesh

It’s been proven that you need to be face-to-face with someone and you need to have proximity and really look someone in the eyeball in an up close and personal way.

It has so many advantages for your brain.

And that’s what we’re talking about today, the neuroscience of it.

What’s going on at a brain level when you connect with other people?

When you connect with someone in close proximity, you light up your brain like a Christmas tree and it doesn’t have the same, quite the same impact on your brain when you do it in a virtual space.

This is why spending time with people is so important to do in the flesh.

Preparing and Sharing Food

So, yes! Spend time with your friends, break bread with people that you care about, preparing and sharing food as well as eating tasty food all increase oxytocin.

I know they’ve done lots of studies on different kinds of monkeys and they and have worked out that when monkeys are sharing food, and it reminds me of in primary school, when you have little friends and you share your snacks for the day, or you might swap your snacks and sit there and eat together.

One of my daughters was talking about this the other day, just a little type of snack that she’s got is gluten free and it doesn’t have any nasties and a lot of her friends have allergies. And so, she loves it when I pack this this item in her lunchbox. She doesn’t have any allergies, so she likes to swap it with these people in her little friend group. And that promotes bonding and sharing and that what’s going on there at a neurological level is that oxytocin is being boosted.

It’s up to us to cultivate these strong and meaningful connections with others in our life.

Kim Harris

What else can we do?

Practice Simple Acts of Kindness

We can also do something nice for someone.

Some little simple things like opening a door when someone’s got their hands full or pulling a funny face at a child, to make them entertained while you’re waiting in a line.

I mean, there’s really no end to doing something nice for other people.

Spend Time with An Animal

If you are at home and you are a bit more on the introversion side of the scale and the recluse scale, like I am, petting your dog or your cat or if you have another pet.

Recently, I did handle a pet snake, which I found so intriguing.

The experience of touching is the way the best and simplest way to get some of those feel-good chemicals mixing up in your brain.

The Power of Oxytocin: The Love Hormone

Studies have shown that oxytocin, this is why it’s so important that we trigger the release of oxytocin as much as we can, is it increases our feelings of generosity and cooperation and connection.

It’s no surprise that when we feel connected with others, we’re just happier and we’re more fulfilled and we’re better equipped to deal with life’s challenges.

When we connect with others, our brains release these types of hormones… especially… oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the love hormone, it increases our feelings of generosity, cooperation, and connection.

Kim Harris

Life can be challenging. This morning, oh my goodness! I put a post up on Facebook because I couldn’t believe, one thing went wrong after another this morning.

I had one, and they’re just little silly challenges, like I open the fridge and my son had left a packet of Chocolate Malt Balls in there. And as I open the fridge door, they all came out and fell on the floor and rolled in all different directions. And it just sort of went from bad to worse from there. Just lots of little niggly things. I needed a hug for some oxytocin to help me feel better!

If you’re having little challenges, big challenges, this is a good, easy, simple way to help you get through those little moments.

From a neurochemistry point of view.

Exploring Cerebral Structures and Their Influence on Emotions

But what about the cerebral structures in the brain?

Because they’re just as important as the neurochemistry.

I want to light your brain up like a Christmas tree.

What I’m talking about are the different regions of the brain.

And this also contributes to our mood and how we can emotionally respond to our life.

There are certain regions, the limbic cortex, the hippocampus, the hypothalamus, and the amygdala, which I like to refer to as the croc brain. It’s the oldest part of the brain. They believe it was the first part of the brain that was formed way back as we were evolving ourselves as humans.

The brain is biological and with it we gain psychology and intuition. All this is dependant on the different regions of the brain, all working together and playing their part, for your ultimate good.

Kim Harris

And this is where all these brain and cerebral structures come into play because they’re very much affected by environmental factors.

There’s millions and millions of chemical reactions occurring in your brain right now. And your health is dependent on these in the hormone regulation aspects that we’ve talked about. That’s what triggers all this feel-good chemistry.

Optimizing Brain Health for Better Emotional Responses

Our brain is also dependent on the vitamins that we consume, the water that we drink and the healthy fats that we eat.

I guess that’s a lot of information I just laid on you.

You can tell I kind of geek out on this aspect of the brain.

Human connection is essential to our overall well-being, and it’s up to us to cultivate these strong and meaningful connections with others in our life and it helps our brains be healthy.

Our brain works with us, and we work with our brain when we engage in some of the things that I’ve talked about.

Lots of benefits there.

Before I get too carried away, I’m going to play some songs. This one’s Thomas Dolby, “She Blinded Me with Science” since we’re talking about the science. I figured let’s play this song.

Benefits of Human Connection on Overall Health

That was the Beatles with “A Little Help from My Friends”.

I could not get by without a little bit of help from my friends. And this Togetherness FX project would not have come about without the support of the Community Enterprise Foundation^TM and their efforts to help communities recover after difficulties.

I just love my friends. So wonderful, wonderful.

We’ve been talking this morning about the brain.

I’ve talked a lot about the brain and what’s going on at a scientific level in the brain chemistry and the brain cerebral structures.

What makes the brain happy and healthy and firing in all the right ways, is connection.

Studies have shown that social connection really does improve our brain and improving our brain leads to lots and lots of specific very good health outcomes.

Linking Social Connection to Longevity and Well-being

For example, it’s been shown that we live a lot longer when our brains are functioning well.

We have stronger immune systems.

We have lower levels of stress hormones in our system.

Free radicals can create a little bit of damage. We have better mental health and emotional well-being when we are doing some of the things I’ve talked about. And as a result of keeping our brains functioning well, we’re less likely to develop chronic diseases such as heart disease and Alzheimer’s.

They’ve proven all these types of things that I’ve talked about, like taking time to stop and break bread with your friends, for example, just a nice slow process like that, gives the brain a rest as well.

And when our brains are at rest, like when we sleep, but when we just take that time to chill and relax as well, our brain gets to work cleaning the plaque and things out of our brains, which can lead to better brain health and avoid chronic illnesses as we’ve talked about.

Lots and lots of benefits of human connection on our physical and mental health and well-being.

Cultivating Meaningful Connections for Improved Quality of Life

Cultivating meaningful connections with others is really, going to improve your overall well-being and help you live a longer, happier, and healthier life.

That’s what we’re all talking about today. And I’m going to play another song now. This one’s by Young Bloods. It’s a bit of an old one, “Get Together”. I’m playing a few oldies today. I hope you don’t mind.

I reminisce about my kind of hippy days when I used to hang out and camp a lot and connect with lots of people around nature and around a nice campfire.

If you’re not doing that sort of thing and that’s something that you love, perhaps that’s something to inspire you to think about putting more of that into your life.

Enjoy this song, Young Bloods “Get Together”.

Inviting You to Take Action: Practical Steps for Deepening Connections

Let’s put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

So, we’ve got the brain.

We want the brain to be healthy because it’s got all those wonderful benefits to our health and our well-being and our physical health.

We want to do everything we can for our brain.

Which means, by developing these strong relationships with people, we can influence the health of our brain and so many other things.

Let’s talk about some tips then.

If we know about the benefits and we know about how that impacts our brain, what are some tips for developing these types of strong connections with other people?

Practice Being Present

Well, fortunately, simple to do things like this, number one, it’s important to be present and fully engaged when you’re spending time with other people.

This means putting away distractions, like put away your phone, put away your laptop and give someone your full attention if they’re in front of you.

They did a study where even having your phone in your pocket is registered on a neurological level, which is bizarre, but it is proven.

If you can leave your phone at home or leave it in the car, leave it somewhere.

If you’re if you’re intending on meeting up with someone, it does make a difference to your brain and their brain. And we want to get all those feel-good chemicals. We want to get that as much as we possibly can.

That’s the first thing, we want to remove the distraction.

Intentionally Look for Common Ground

Secondly, when you’re talking to people that you’re meeting up with, just try and find common ground.

This could be through a shared interest or something that you both value and just doing something that you both enjoy.

Going for a walk or having a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, try to find some common ground.

A great way to do this is joining groups and support groups that meet around a common goal or interest.

There are heaps! Heaps of active men’s shed and Toastmasters and all these wonderful little organizations, U3A through the senior citizens, there’s lots of great little activities and groups that you can be a part of.

Try and get out with some people around a common interest to make it even easier to find common ground.

That would be a nice second tip.

Practice Active Listening

The third tip is to practice active listening. It’s called active listening.

Active listening is quite involved. And I do teach different types of active listening and listening through the work that I do with my clients.

What it means, though, in a simple way is that you’re listening to what the other person is saying and you’re responding to them very thoughtfully.

Don’t Interrupt or be a Parrot

It’s not interrupting them or talking over them.

It’s letting them talk, staying focused on them through the duration of what they’re talking about and leveling up your attention on them to make certain you understand what they are saying.

One tip there is to avoid being a parrot. Like you’ve got some people who will go, yes, I heard you. You said blah, blah, blah. And they’ll repeat word for word back what you said. But that can really annoy people and that is not active listening.

Pay Attention and Ask Questions

It’s more about paraphrasing it and checking in. Saying,

“What I’m hearing is maybe this. Is that right? Did I get it right?”

Because we can be right, or we can get it right in life.

I think it’s better to be on the side of getting it right.

Make sure you’re understanding people by really leveling up your attention to what they’re saying.

Let Down Your Guard and Be More Vulnerable

Finally, we’ve got to be willing to be vulnerable in our interactions with others.

This can help to build that trust and deepen your connection.

It also does save time. When you’re vulnerable and you open and you get straight to the heart of the matter, it improves engagement because it helps you to avoid any delay and missing out on communicating fully. Not leaving anything unsaid.

Sometimes we can have regrets about things that we don’t say, and we wished we’d said.

Let’s be vulnerable enough to say what we need to say and avoid any miscommunication.

When we open up like that for people, they often want to step in and help us to solve any problems, or thoughts we’ve got on our mind, or add to our way of thinking so that we can overcome those little challenges we have from time to time.

Some simple tips.

By implementing these, you can develop stronger and more meaningful connections with the people around you, which then improves your brain, which then improves your health and well-being.

You can see where I’m going with this. It’s all connected.

To inspire you on your quest to be very vulnerable today, I’ve got to play a song by Sarah Bareilles, which is “Brave”.

Enjoy the lyrics on this one. A great message. I definitely want to see you being brave.

Embracing the Power of Human Connection

Believe it or not, that is it for today’s episode on the topic of discovering the power of togetherness and belonging.

I hope you found the information that I’ve presented today on the neuroscience of connection helpful and informative.

I’ve tried to pack it with lots of tips on how you might apply these types of things and strategies to your life.

Remember that human connection is really an essential part of our physical and mental health.

As I said, even it’s up there with the same need for the human body as food and exercise.

Its importance must be clearly stated. We can all benefit from developing these strong connections. It’s not just for you. It’s for all the people around you.

Your Invitation to Participate in Togetherness FX

We can start a butterfly effect of love and appreciation and power and positivity that can ripple out if we choose to.

What are you waiting for? Connect with people. It’s very important.

Next episode, I’m going to be talking about the importance of empathy and compassion in building stronger relationships with others.

We’re going to get into the heart of the emotional territory of being together.

Hopefully you can listen along next week.

A Call to Adventure: 3 Simple Things to Do Today

Before I go today, I’ll leave you with a couple of actionable steps that you can choose to do as of right now, today.

You can do these things.

Be Present

Number one actionable step, practice being present and fully engaged when you spend time with other people today.

Think about putting your distractions away, put your phone away, put your laptop away and just give your full attention to anyone that’s in front of you. A simple actionable thing that you can do today.

Reach Out and Touch Somebody

Hold someone’s hand today, give them a hug, give them a high five. If you’re not that way inclined, give them a pat on the back, just find a way to get some touch in there. Maybe pat your dog if you’ve got a dog or a cat, pat your cat. Those sorts of tactile connections also help our brain in lots of wonderful ways.

Choose to Listen

And as a final thing, practice listening to people. Don’t interrupt them or talk over them. Let them have their say and really listen to what they’re saying and respond thoughtfully.

Do this because I really want you to build and deepen your connection with others because it has so many flow on effects, not just to your brain as we’ve talked about today, but to your health and wellbeing and the world at large.

Thanks for joining me today and I look forward to talking to you next week.

Be Part of the Show

If you’re interested in being interviewed on the radio, if you’ve been going through a significant change and you’d like to come on air and inspire other people, perhaps to embark upon the same or a similar change journey as you, feel free to reach out to me.

My name is Kim Harris. You can find me through my website, kimmharris.com, feel free to check me out there and I’d love to hear from you if you’re interested in being interviewed.

I’m going to play a couple more songs on the theme of being there for each other. Here’s the Rembrandt’s “I’ll Be There for You”.

In Conclusion

Human connection is not just a nicety but a necessity for our well-being. As we’ve explored the neuroscience behind it, we’ve discovered the profound impact of connection on our brains, bodies, and overall health.

By implementing practical tips and taking actionable steps to foster meaningful connections, we not only enhance our own lives but also contribute to a ripple effect of positivity and empathy in the world around us.

So, let’s commit to being present, vulnerable, and actively engaged with those around us, knowing that every connection we nurture brings us closer to a healthier, happier, and more connected world.

Join me next week as we delve into the importance of empathy and compassion in building stronger relationships.

Until then, remember to connect, listen, and be there for each other. Thank you for tuning in to Stories of Change.